Nothing describes my days better than this!
BEING A REAL STONER
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS…..PLEASE READ!
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I find that “pinner joint” I left in the ashtray last night and light it up, there’s only a few tokes left
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I’d been drinking next to my pipe and my stash, I sit and do a small bowl.
I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye—they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I’m going to water the flowers.
Man I’m getting hungry!
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonigh t when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.
I get to the kitchen to get some water and I see a fresh back of Cheetohs on the counter, Geez, I forgot I had those. Found it at the right time, I was hungry.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on to the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. So I light up another bowl . Maybe it’s going to refresh my memory a bit.
Someone’s knocking at the door, I’m too baked to answer, ”Come on in” I yell, it’s Tom, he’s asking me to try that new shit he’s been growing and I say “OK”
At the end of the day:
the car isn’t washed
the bills aren’t paid
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don’t have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I’m really tired.
And I can’t find my FUCKING PIPE
I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail….
Do me a favor
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to.
Don’t laugh—if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!